Sunday, December 30, 2012

Cheap Vodka Filtered into Top Shelf Vodka (and then infused, yumm)

Not bad for $2.50 of vodka and a recycled bottle! 

       Well, New Years eve is tomorrow and I realized that as a guest as a party I should make a gift for the host and also make something for myself to get hammered off of.  As I am currently chilling at my parents for the holidays I didn't want them to think I was a total heathen so, I decided to make some swanky $10 handle vodka.

       The problem: Cheap vodka tastes like the devil's asshole.
       Stoner Solution: Send that shit through a Britta Filter 6 times! (Why 6? Well that's when it really can't be improved anymore, apparently)
Note the plastic bottle.


1) Pour your handle of Nikolai, Popov, Gordon's, Mr. Boston, Zenka, etc. into your Britta filter.
2) Let it all filter though.  This'll take a while but it's worth it.
3) Using a funnel pour it all back into your plastic handle.
4) Repeat steps 1-3 five more times.  I wrote a little sticky note with the times I re-filtered so I wouldn't forget how many times I'd done it.

Fancy Ass Filtered Clementine Vodka

1) Peel 3 clementines and chop them into small slices
2) Shove the clementines down the neck of a fancy looking bottle.  This green one cost me $2 at HomeGoods.
3) Take your $10 Grey Goose A La Britta and pour it into your fancy ass bottle.
4) Shake it around and let it sit for a while (like over night) or forever.  The vodka will keep the fruit from rotting (alcohol kills germs!). The longer it sits the stronger the clementine flavor will taste.
5) Look like you aren't a broke ass homie when you show up to a party with sweet, sweet, clementine vodka.

One Handle should make 4 of these 750ml bottles or you could, you know, just drank it.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Stoney Tuna Burgers

I was sitting with E-Money the other day and he told me he had like 40 cans of tuna he needed to get rid of.  Challenge Accepted.

420 No Money Tuna Burgers!
6 cans of Tuna
1/2 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs
3 tbs Mayo
2tbs Butter

Don't forget to preheat the oven to Broil!

1. Get your shit together!
2. Mix your shit together!
3. Taste test! You might want to add a bit more bread crumbs.
4. Ball these babies into 8 patties on a greased cookie tray.
5. Broil for 5-6 minutes.

I liked them with some thousand island dressing, cheese, and a bulkie roll but they were good nekkid with a side of mixed vegetables, too.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Dollar Menu Challenge: Jr. Cheeseburger Delux

Taste: 8/10 This burger stands with the crowd when it comes to taste and flavor.  The meat tastes like meat, the veggies mostly taste like veggies, but their sauce will rock your world.

Texture: 8/10  Is crispyness a word? I didn't think so, but I'm gunna use it here.  The crispyness of the toppings along with the juicyness of the patty is sublime.

Preparation: 6/10 this burger took FOREVER to get.  I was the only one in line and it took close to five minutes when all was said and done and it STILL came out looking kind of all over the place.  The lettuce was sticking out of one side, the tomato another, not a great way to stack a patty.

Appearance: 8/10 When looked at in comparison to all the other burgers, the Jr. Cheeseburger Delux is definitely the over all winner.

Overall: I'd give Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger Delux 7.5/10, STEALING SECOND PLACE from the BK. Stacker.  The competition just heated up, boys.
  1. Mc Double
  2. Jr. Cheeseburger Delux
  3. BK Stacker

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Dollar Menu Challenge: BK Stacker

Don't drive off the road when you notice your dollar BACON!
Taste: 8/10 BACON is the only reason the BK Stacker is getting an 8.  Aside from the bacon mine just tasted like their mayo sauce- seeing as it was swimming in it.  The burger was more or less tasteless (so much for the grill).
Texture: 7/10 Bacon is good, bacon so thick in parts that I had to rip the burger like a rabid possum, not so good.
Preparation: 9/10 BACON. For $1.
Appearance: 7/10 Cute looking burger. You can see the bacon sticking out of it.

Overall: I'd give this an 7/10. It’s cheap, it has bacon, it’s generally tasty.  HOWEVER There’s only one patty, and bland uneven texture.
1.      McDouble
2.      BK Stacker

My Camere died... so in the meme time...

These are my top 5 stoner food memes!



Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Wine Diaries

This will be attached to my hand for the next week.
So this week I'm gunna have to switch things up a little bit.  This week I won't really be having the munchies, I'll be having the DRUNCHIES.  You heard me right.  Bitch gonna be drankin this week.

My friend Tucker is coming down next week so when pay day rolled around this week I decided to stock up.  I bought a really nice, expensive, BOX of wine (I consider $25 for the equivalent of 4 bottles to be a lot). I was so excited for Tucker coming down and to try my new Black Box Malbec that I couldn't actually open the box.  Like my thumbs were not strong enough.  I decided to take it out of the stoneage and use a tool.  I chose a knife.

You can imagine what happened next.  There was a geyser of red wine first at me, then as I spun frantically, all over my kitchen.  It looked like I killed a man.  I took off all my clothes and threw them in the washer, then ruined all of my and my roommate's towels picking up the mess. SORRY PAUL!  I managed to get the wine sealed back up temporarily using the "reseal the bag" technique that I know you all are professionals at.  However, when I went to pick the bag up again it burst.

I ended up funneling the wine into 3 bottles that Paul had laying around.  PRoblem with wine is that it only lasts a week after it's been exposed to air.  As of today it'll be 9 days till Tucker gets here.  The wine has to be consumed.  That's why this week we're having the Wine Diaries, which I hope to be more boozy and authentic than that Rum Diaries bullshit.  Well, here we go.


1 tbs oil
2 tsp mixed Italian herbs
1 large tomato
Red wine

1.)  Pour the oil into the pan. Turn the pan to medium heat.
2.) Put your herbs in the oil in the pan.
3.) Roll a fat dubie as you stir the herbs until they become aromatic.
4.) pour in about 1/4 cup of red wine then turn up the heat to medium-high.
5.) Chop up your tomato and stir it into the sauce pan.
6.) Boil the sauce to your desired thickness.
7.) Enjoy with copious amounts of wine... and pasta.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Dollar Menu Challenge: The McDouble

After tax it's 1.06. The dime's for emphasis.

The McDouble has for me, as with all stoners, a special place of my heart.  Bun, 2 slices of cheese, 2 patties, mustard, ketchup, onions and pickles have been put together for your stoned bliss.  But could this be the best $1 burger?

 High Thought: Have you ever noticed that all of the faces on the coins are facing left but Lincoln is facing right?

Without further adieu I present: The McDouble!
Cost: $1.00, $1.06 with tax

Taste: 9/10 it's meaty and, cheezy. Plus the onions, pickle, and mustard give it a good bite.
Texture: 9/10 soft, easy to bite and chew, and consistent.
Preparation: 8/10 all the necessary parts are there and it was well assembled. Easy to hold in one hand while holding a J in the other.
Appearance: 6/10 The McDouble is a thing of beauty, but it's not a visual beauty.

Overall: I'd give this an 8/10 for the Dollar Menu Challenge.

Guess what I found in the clearance section of my Acme grocery store! The new official 420 No Money apron!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

TIMBER!!!! Fallout Dinner.

Today I went for a killer bike ride.  Like... I thought I might die biking up these Chester County hills.  So when I staggered back into my apartment today I needed something that would fill me- pronto.  Unfortunately I didn't really seem to have anything that was both, fast, delicious, and easy on hand- so I made something.

The other week I saw a recipe for eggs cooked in a spicy, middle eastern style tomato sauce.  That sounds a little beyond my capacities at the moment.  This is what I did instead:

Middle East Fallout:

2 cups pasta sauce
3 eggs
Hot Sauce
Your Favorite Spices

1.) Heat the pasta sauce, spices, and (optional) Parmesan cheese to bubbling in a frying pan.
2.) When the pasta sauce boils crack the eggs into the pan.
3.) Beat one of the eggs into the sauce and leave the others to cook.
4.) Put two slices of bread into the toaster.
5.) put cooked eggs and sauce onto the toast and ENJOY! It's soo gooey and delicious.


Add some of that cooked rice you know you have in the fridge to the eggy mix. I threw a slice of cheddar in for good measure.  

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Bacon Vodka!

This is the ultimate drink.  I just made my first batch tonight and it's completely awesome.
1 package of bacon.
2 cups of vodka
Jar with lid

1.) Heat up a pan to medium high.
2.) Throw on the bacon.
3.) Cook till the bacon is firm, but not burned.
4.) Tear up the bacon into little pieces and put them in the jar.
5.) Pour vodka over the bacon.
6.)Hide this in a closet for 3 weeks.

This is what it looks like after you shake it!
3 Weeks Later:
1.) Take out the vodka from the closet.
2.) Put it in the freezer.
3.) When the fat has separated pull it out with a fork.

I'll post pics of the finished product when it's ready!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Spicy Peanut Ramen

This is the best Pad Thai of your life. It is also the easiest, and the cheapest.  Like the name suggests, you only need 3 ingredients for this fabulous recipe.

I take this bad boy to work with me in it's three separate parts and make it on my lunch break.  My office manager is totally jealous. Look at that bowl full of hot, spicy, love.  Also, admire the super hot  table cloth my office put up the day after New Years.

Spicy Peanut Ramen:
1 packet ramen noodles
2 tbs chunky peanut butter
.5-1tsp hot sauce

1) Boil 1.5 cups of water on the stove.
2) Toss the ramen noodle block into the water.  THROW OUT THE SEASONING PACKET!
3) Cook for 3 minutes. Turn the stove down to 3.
4) Add peanut butter and hot sauce
5) Keep the ramen on the stove till it's creamy.

If this meal doesn't change your life, I don't know what will. This meal sustained me through college, hard days on the farm, and many, many stoned evenings where I just needed a decent meal.

This is all there should be left over from this meal.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Can-Can Chicken

I couldn't find a picture of the meal, so instead is a picture of me wearing a hat. Probably after hanging out with Juan.

This is Can-Can Chicken.   Can-Can chicken is a fantastic example of simple ingenuity... and rice.  Mad shout-out to my man Mike who gave me this recipe just for the blog.  One love.

Can-Can Chicken:
1 can condensed chicken soup
1 can condensed celery soup
1 can Chicken

1) Turn the stove on medium-high
2) Pour the two cans of soup and the chicken into the pan.
3) Pour one can-full of water into the pan.
4)Stir up the soup untill it's mixed together.
5) When the soup boils add 1-2 cups of rice.
6) Cook it for 20 minutes, stirring if you remember.
7) take it off the heat and eat that bad boy up.

Tastes like chicken.

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Power of Rice

Rice is amazing.  Rice will save your stoned, broke, ass from starving.  Rice is sold BY THE POUND, and you should buy as much of it as you can afford. Right now.
 Rice is also the easiest thing ever to cook.  Here's how it works...

1c. Rice
2c. Water

1.)Put the water on the stove, turn it up high.
2.)When the water boils stir in the rice.
3.)Turn down the heat to medium-high and put a cover on the pot if you have it.  Set a timer for 20 minutes.
4.)Go smoke a bowl. Occasionally stir the rice, if you remember.
5.)When the timer goes off you should have minimal water left.  Take the rice off the stove.

TA DA! Now you're stoned and have a big ol' pot of rice.  This can be eaten alone (if you're desperate), or added to meals, or as the focal point of meals.

Here are a few simple rice meals:

Cheesy Salsa Rice:
1 cup cooked rice
1/4 cup salsa
1 slice cheese
Put all 3 ingredients into a bowl and microwave for 1 minute.  Stir and enjoy.

Rice and Beans (A la Chef Swagger):
2c Rice
1 can  beans

When your rice is done cooking pour the entire contents of a can of your favorite beans over them.  Stir, add salt and pepper to taste, and enjoy.

Rice and Beans (A la 420 No Money):
2c Rice
1c Chilli Beans
Hot Sauce
Italian Spices
When your rice is freshly cooked add as much or as little hot sauce as you want.  Then add a tea spoon of dried Italian Herbs (fresh ground from a grinder is best).  Pour the chilli beans and all of their chilli seasoning onto the herbed rice.  Eat it while it's hot.

Basic Fried Rice:
2 cups cooked and cooled rice
1 tbsp oil
3 cap-fulls of soy sauce
2 cap-fulls of vinegar
Let the rice sit in the refrigerator till it's cold.  Then heat up 1tbsp of oil in a skillet.  Throw the cold rice into the hot oil and stir, baby, stir.  When the rice is browning add the vinegar and soy sauce.  Continue to stir until everything is blended.  Take off the heat and enjoy.
Add extra 

The thing about rice is that it can make any small meal into a huge meal.  If you have some left over stir fry from the Chinese joint on the other side of town, add rice to it, it'll feed you for two meals.  Got some soup? Add rice to it to make it last twice as long and fill you twice as much.  Rice is basically the cheap ass stoner's best friend.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


If you've seen this, you will be hungry.
          So, you're broke, you're stoned, and you're hungry.  I feel you.  I've been there.  You need some good, hearty, cheesy, sweet, delicious munchies right now.  I feel you.  Lets make sure you have the funds necessary to make a couple quick meals.

          Believe it or not, this will feed you three squares a day.  It'll also make some awesome munchies.  I recommend going to Wal-Mart because their food is hands-down the cheapest.  I buy a can of beans there for $.30 cheaper than at the "real grocery store".  The dollar store also works, but watch out, they might not have everything you need.

You know you're feeling this.
2lb bag of rice $2.19
1can Chilli Beans $1.15
1can Kidney Beans $.85
1grinder of Mixed Italian Herbs $5.98
1loaf Bread $2.12
1bottle Pasta Sauce $2.15
1box of Pasta $1.20
12 pack Kraft Singles $2.99
1stick Butter $.99

Total: $19.62
Take that extra 38 cents and put it in your spare change fund.

If you can't figure it out already, this first stock of the shelves will include a lot of carbohydrates and no meat.  That's okay. Carbs are cheap, meat is not.  Plus, hippie chicks love vegetarians.  If you have NOTHING in the closet this is the shopping list you need to fill out.

Hippie chicks loooooove vegetarians.