The Greatest Rage

Not mine... but just as good.

The Wine Diaries

This will be attached to my hand for the next week.

So this week I'm gunna have to switch things up a little bit.  This week I won't really be having the munchies, I'll be having the DRUNCHIES.  You heard me right.  Bitch gonna be drankin this week.

My friend Tucker is coming down next week so when pay day rolled around this week I decided to stock up.  I bought a really nice, expensive, BOX of wine (I consider $25 for the equivalent of 4 bottles to be a lot). I was so excited for Tucker coming down and to try my new Black Box Malbec that I couldn't actually open the box.  Like my thumbs were not strong enough.  I decided to take it out of the stoneage and use a tool.  I chose a knife.

You can imagine what happened next.  There was a geyser of red wine first at me, then as I spun frantically, all over my kitchen.  It looked like I killed a man.  I took off all my clothes and threw them in the washer, then ruined all of my and my roommate's towels picking up the mess. SORRY PAUL!  I managed to get the wine sealed back up temporarily using the "reseal the bag" technique that I know you all are professionals at.  However, when I went to pick the bag up again it burst.

I ended up funneling the wine into 3 bottles that Paul had laying around.  PRoblem with wine is that it only lasts a week after it's been exposed to air.  As of today it'll be 9 days till Tucker gets here.  The wine has to be consumed.  That's why this week we're having the Wine Diaries, which I hope to be more boozy and authentic than that Rum Diaries bullshit.  Well, here we go.

RED WINE PASTA SAUCE:

Ingredients:
1 tbs oil
2 tsp mixed Italian herbs
1 large tomato
Red wine

1.)  Pour the oil into the pan. Turn the pan to medium heat.
2.) Put your herbs in the oil in the pan.
3.) Roll a fat dubie as you stir the herbs until they become aromatic.
4.) pour in about 1/4 cup of red wine then turn up the heat to medium-high.
5.) Chop up your tomato and stir it into the sauce pan.
6.) Boil the sauce to your desired thickness.
7.) Enjoy with copious amounts of wine... and pasta.

Dollar Menu Challenge: The McDouble

After tax it's 1.06. The dime's for emphasis.

The McDouble has for me, as with all stoners, a special place of my heart.  Bun, 2 slices of cheese, 2 patties, mustard, ketchup, onions and pickles have been put together for your stoned bliss.  But could this be the best $1 burger?


 High Thought: Have you ever noticed that all of the faces on the coins are facing left but Lincoln is facing right?


Without further adieu I present: The McDouble!
Cost: $1.00, $1.06 with tax

Taste: 9/10 it's meaty and, cheezy. Plus the onions, pickle, and mustard give it a good bite.
Texture: 9/10 soft, easy to bite and chew, and consistent.
Preparation: 8/10 all the necessary parts are there and it was well assembled. Easy to hold in one hand while holding a J in the other.
Appearance: 6/10 The McDouble is a thing of beauty, but it's not a visual beauty.

Overall: I'd give this an 8/10 for the Dollar Menu Challenge.

Guess what I found in the clearance section of my Acme grocery store! The new official 420 No Money apron!

TIMBER!!!! Fallout Dinner.

Today I went for a killer bike ride.  Like... I thought I might die biking up these Chester County hills.  So when I staggered back into my apartment today I needed something that would fill me- pronto.  Unfortunately I didn't really seem to have anything that was both, fast, delicious, and easy on hand- so I made something.

The other week I saw a recipe for eggs cooked in a spicy, middle eastern style tomato sauce.  That sounds a little beyond my capacities at the moment.  This is what I did instead:

Middle East Fallout:

Ingredients:
2 cups pasta sauce
3 eggs
Hot Sauce
Your Favorite Spices

 
1.) Heat the pasta sauce, spices, and (optional) Parmesan cheese to bubbling in a frying pan.
2.) When the pasta sauce boils crack the eggs into the pan.
3.) Beat one of the eggs into the sauce and leave the others to cook.
4.) Put two slices of bread into the toaster.
5.) put cooked eggs and sauce onto the toast and ENJOY! It's soo gooey and delicious.

LEFT OVERS IDEA!

Add some of that cooked rice you know you have in the fridge to the eggy mix. I threw a slice of cheddar in for good measure.  

Bacon Vodka!

This is the ultimate drink.  I just made my first batch tonight and it's completely awesome.

Ingredients:
1 package of bacon.
2 cups of vodka
Jar with lid

1.) Heat up a pan to medium high.
2.) Throw on the bacon.
3.) Cook till the bacon is firm, but not burned.
4.) Tear up the bacon into little pieces and put them in the jar.
5.) Pour vodka over the bacon.
6.)Hide this in a closet for 3 weeks.

This is what it looks like after you shake it!

3 Weeks Later:
1.) Take out the vodka from the closet.
2.) Put it in the freezer.
3.) When the fat has separated pull it out with a fork.

ENJOY THE BACON VODKA!
I'll post pics of the finished product when it's ready!

Spicy Peanut Ramen

This is the best Pad Thai of your life. It is also the easiest, and the cheapest.  Like the name suggests, you only need 3 ingredients for this fabulous recipe.



I take this bad boy to work with me in it's three separate parts and make it on my lunch break.  My office manager is totally jealous. Look at that bowl full of hot, spicy, love.  Also, admire the super hot  table cloth my office put up the day after New Years.




Spicy Peanut Ramen:
1 packet ramen noodles
2 tbs chunky peanut butter
.5-1tsp hot sauce

1) Boil 1.5 cups of water on the stove.
2) Toss the ramen noodle block into the water.  THROW OUT THE SEASONING PACKET!
3) Cook for 3 minutes. Turn the stove down to 3.
4) Add peanut butter and hot sauce
5) Keep the ramen on the stove till it's creamy.
6) TRY TO NOT CRY AS YOU TASTE RAMEN NIRVANA.

If this meal doesn't change your life, I don't know what will. This meal sustained me through college, hard days on the farm, and many, many stoned evenings where I just needed a decent meal.

This is all there should be left over from this meal.

Can-Can Chicken

I couldn't find a picture of the meal, so instead is a picture of me wearing a hat. Probably after hanging out with Juan.

This is Can-Can Chicken.   Can-Can chicken is a fantastic example of simple ingenuity... and rice.  Mad shout-out to my man Mike who gave me this recipe just for the blog.  One love.




Can-Can Chicken:
1 can condensed chicken soup
1 can condensed celery soup
1 can Chicken

1) Turn the stove on medium-high
2) Pour the two cans of soup and the chicken into the pan.
3) Pour one can-full of water into the pan.
4)Stir up the soup untill it's mixed together.
5) When the soup boils add 1-2 cups of rice.
6) Cook it for 20 minutes, stirring if you remember.
7) take it off the heat and eat that bad boy up.

Tastes like chicken.