Cheap Vodka Filtered into Top Shelf Vodka (and then infused, yumm)

Not bad for $2.50 of vodka and a recycled bottle!

 

       Well, New Years eve is tomorrow and I realized that as a guest as a party I should make a gift for the host and also make something for myself to get hammered off of.  As I am currently chilling at my parents for the holidays I didn't want them to think I was a total heathen so, I decided to make some swanky $10 handle vodka.

       The problem: Cheap vodka tastes like the devil's asshole.
       Stoner Solution: Send that shit through a Britta Filter 6 times! (Why 6? Well that's when it really can't be improved anymore, apparently)
 

Note the plastic bottle.

FILTERED VODKA AKA $10 GREY GOOSE

1) Pour your handle of Nikolai, Popov, Gordon's, Mr. Boston, Zenka, etc. into your Britta filter.
2) Let it all filter though.  This'll take a while but it's worth it.
3) Using a funnel pour it all back into your plastic handle.
4) Repeat steps 1-3 five more times.  I wrote a little sticky note with the times I re-filtered so I wouldn't forget how many times I'd done it.

Fancy Ass Filtered Clementine Vodka

1) Peel 3 clementines and chop them into small slices
2) Shove the clementines down the neck of a fancy looking bottle.  This green one cost me $2 at HomeGoods.
3) Take your $10 Grey Goose A La Britta and pour it into your fancy ass bottle.
4) Shake it around and let it sit for a while (like over night) or forever.  The vodka will keep the fruit from rotting (alcohol kills germs!). The longer it sits the stronger the clementine flavor will taste.
5) Look like you aren't a broke ass homie when you show up to a party with sweet, sweet, clementine vodka.

One Handle should make 4 of these 750ml bottles or you could, you know, just drank it.

Stoney Tuna Burgers

I was sitting with E-Money the other day and he told me he had like 40 cans of tuna he needed to get rid of.  Challenge Accepted.

420 No Money Tuna Burgers!

Ingredients:
6 cans of Tuna
1/2 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs
3 tbs Mayo
2tbs Butter

Don't forget to preheat the oven to Broil!

1. Get your shit together!
2. Mix your shit together!
3. Taste test! You might want to add a bit more bread crumbs.
4. Ball these babies into 8 patties on a greased cookie tray.
5. Broil for 5-6 minutes.

I liked them with some thousand island dressing, cheese, and a bulkie roll but they were good nekkid with a side of mixed vegetables, too.

Dollar Menu Challenge: Jr. Cheeseburger Delux

Taste: 8/10 This burger stands with the crowd when it comes to taste and flavor.  The meat tastes like meat, the veggies mostly taste like veggies, but their sauce will rock your world.

Texture: 8/10  Is crispyness a word? I didn't think so, but I'm gunna use it here.  The crispyness of the toppings along with the juicyness of the patty is sublime.

Preparation: 6/10 this burger took FOREVER to get.  I was the only one in line and it took close to five minutes when all was said and done and it STILL came out looking kind of all over the place.  The lettuce was sticking out of one side, the tomato another, not a great way to stack a patty.

Appearance: 8/10 When looked at in comparison to all the other burgers, the Jr. Cheeseburger Delux is definitely the over all winner.


Overall: I'd give Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger Delux 7.5/10, STEALING SECOND PLACE from the BK. Stacker.  The competition just heated up, boys.
RANKING:

1. Mc Double
2. Jr. Cheeseburger Delux
3. BK Stacker

Dollar Menu Challenge: BK Stacker

Don't drive off the road when you notice your dollar BACON!

Taste: 8/10 BACON is the only reason the BK Stacker is getting an 8.  Aside from the bacon mine just tasted like their mayo sauce- seeing as it was swimming in it.  The burger was more or less tasteless (so much for the grill).
Texture: 7/10 Bacon is good, bacon so thick in parts that I had to rip the burger like a rabid possum, not so good.
Preparation: 9/10 BACON. For $1.
Appearance: 7/10 Cute looking burger. You can see the bacon sticking out of it.

Overall: I'd give this an 7/10. It’s cheap, it has bacon, it’s generally tasty.  HOWEVER There’s only one patty, and bland uneven texture.
RANKING

1.      McDouble

2.      BK Stacker

My Camere died... so in the meme time...

These are my top 5 stoner food memes!

 

 

The Greatest Rage

Not mine... but just as good.

The Wine Diaries

This will be attached to my hand for the next week.

So this week I'm gunna have to switch things up a little bit.  This week I won't really be having the munchies, I'll be having the DRUNCHIES.  You heard me right.  Bitch gonna be drankin this week.

My friend Tucker is coming down next week so when pay day rolled around this week I decided to stock up.  I bought a really nice, expensive, BOX of wine (I consider $25 for the equivalent of 4 bottles to be a lot). I was so excited for Tucker coming down and to try my new Black Box Malbec that I couldn't actually open the box.  Like my thumbs were not strong enough.  I decided to take it out of the stoneage and use a tool.  I chose a knife.

You can imagine what happened next.  There was a geyser of red wine first at me, then as I spun frantically, all over my kitchen.  It looked like I killed a man.  I took off all my clothes and threw them in the washer, then ruined all of my and my roommate's towels picking up the mess. SORRY PAUL!  I managed to get the wine sealed back up temporarily using the "reseal the bag" technique that I know you all are professionals at.  However, when I went to pick the bag up again it burst.

I ended up funneling the wine into 3 bottles that Paul had laying around.  PRoblem with wine is that it only lasts a week after it's been exposed to air.  As of today it'll be 9 days till Tucker gets here.  The wine has to be consumed.  That's why this week we're having the Wine Diaries, which I hope to be more boozy and authentic than that Rum Diaries bullshit.  Well, here we go.

RED WINE PASTA SAUCE:

Ingredients:
1 tbs oil
2 tsp mixed Italian herbs
1 large tomato
Red wine

1.)  Pour the oil into the pan. Turn the pan to medium heat.
2.) Put your herbs in the oil in the pan.
3.) Roll a fat dubie as you stir the herbs until they become aromatic.
4.) pour in about 1/4 cup of red wine then turn up the heat to medium-high.
5.) Chop up your tomato and stir it into the sauce pan.
6.) Boil the sauce to your desired thickness.
7.) Enjoy with copious amounts of wine... and pasta.